My non-love affairs

I have had the unfortunate curse of being blessed with a resting bitch face that scares some people away, because I always look like I am either contemplating murder or sucking on lemon slices when mostly I am usually thinking of something random like how much sugar I can get away with eating before needing to remove yet another tooth or replaying a conversation I had with my boss, or with my mum 15 years ago, or even a task from work that is stumping me currently. Now that I have gotten that out of the way, I am actually a nice friendly person, usually, and that is just my face. Now listen to me whine about my non-love affairs.

My first taste of a romantic relationship happened at 17 with a lopsided association with a guy from home. You see, my mum is a very scary woman and that transferred to all her children, so even when people fancied me, they would be too terrified of my mum or myself to do anything, so nothing really happened. On the other hand, I was free to nurse a crush on a boy who would stutter and not make eye contact when talking to me but would make 10 trips a day to our shop just to see me. The whole thing is painfully hilarious when I look back on it now. And why did I start that late you ask, I did not think of the male faction of the human population as people at 17, I just saw people I needed to beat. And no, nothing came of the crush, the guy was kinda dumb and went to co-habit with his high school teacher. Lol.

Then came Uni, and I was a fresh, naive 19-year-old living and studying away from home without adult supervision, and suddenly a lot of possibilities presented. My trusty bitch face came in handy and I waded people off. I was also coming out of my ugly duckling phase so I was really feeling myself. Then I met an army sergeant who was really into me and my brain stuttered. You see, my dad is in the military and I (had) have sworn off all military men (which kinda acts as a magnet, with fate just throwing them at me as if taunting me) So when a real hunky smart military guy swooshes in and he is telling me all these nice things, I did not know what to do with myself. The domestication thing he had early on was a total turn off so I took that as my way out.

Then my engineering kind-of boyfriend (Hi, Felix) swooped in and I was really taken. He was super smart, and we got along like a house on fire. In JKUAT, there was a thing about dating an engineering student, and also seeing as he was a senior student, really got me there so I am blaming being 20 and easily impressed. We were in the process of getting to know each other, and I was being introduced to life-changing kisses (he is an excellent kisser btw, really knows what he is doing there) when I learnt that he had a girlfriend, and like the emotionally stunted human I was, I ghosted him.

Then I cultivated a very long crush on a basketball player, which turned out to be a complicated mess waay after school. Then I had many small loves along the way to my current destination, and now I am wrestling with, and nursing an imaginary and whirlwind love affair with a married man and I needed help, so...

I took a couple of Buzzfeed quizzes, as we rational humans do, where I learnt that I may have a little bit of a commitment issue, which leads me to be almost exclusively attracted to married men, because they will not require a big commitment, and what an epic clusterfuck my love life has become. Someone send me a box of marshmallows. Mint ones, if you can get them. That will give me something to chew on while I contemplate what else to tick off my checklist.