Daddy Issues

We throw around the word daddy issues much too casually for my liking nowadays. Like, if a girl likes to drink, she's got daddy issues. She likes to get her hoe phase on, she has daddy issues, She likes a fist up her ass, she has daddy issues. She is not easily impressed by men, she has daddy issues.

So, what exactly makes fathers that more fascinating to their daughters? What happens to the psyche of some girls that they look for their fathers in every man they meet?

Typically, a girl who has a healthy relationship with her, well...daddy, is well-rounded, has developed a good sense of self, has a good understanding of sex and its value to human interactions, and probably does not constantly seek approval from undeserving men.

When I was doing my research about daddy issues for this article, the most common characteristics across the board of girls with daddy issues are: a) they either use sex to feel valued or validated and are therefore a hoe, or are on the other end of the spectrum and have intimacy issues and cannot stand sex. b) are terrified of being vulnerable c) have tornado-like trust issues d) have a tendency to date people much much older than them (hello, daddy) e) put their partners on a pedestal and finally f) have difficulties setting boundaries.

As I went through this list and started ticking things one by one for myself, I knew I was fucked. And yes, in case it was not totally obvious, I have self-diagnosed myself with daddy issues.

Some of it comes from having a father with an active military career who was hardly at home, but had a very long reach and still managed to control my life from a distance, so it was like having a stranger turn up every once in a while and beat the crap out of you for forgetting to put your shoes inside the house, and only ever acknowledged your existence when you are top of the class or when you did something stupid, like, you know, a child does. Shit like that has a way of altering your perception of men and how you should be treated.

The other is having emotional needs not met as a child, and you end up learning to suppress your emotions, or invalidating them by overanalyzing them and deeming them useless or with having no place in life.

The rest of it comes from reading too many books by either really smart or bitter or biased feminists about what a grown woman should do or want with herself, and what she should expect from men. This usually involves living a well-ordered life, everything falling in place because everyone falls in line with you and your wishes (boy are they wrong) I also got all my positive reinforcement from how I performed academically when I was younger, which was exceptionally well, if I do so say myself. Competition was highly encouraged and I have a competitive streak in me that was actively cultivated and nurtured. It does something to a girl when you receive compliments and positive reinforcement only when you beat others and outshine everyone.

The end product is an overly independent, confident woman with a lot of masculine tendencies who is perpetually unimpressed with most men and therefore ends up single a lot. It leads to females who are unable to empathise with some men because for some reason, the thought process of, "I can do it, you should most definitely do it so why are you not?" is very prevalent. And what do females like this get called? Daddy issues girls.

Having "daddy issues" is branded as a terrible thing, usually to shame or castigate women, as if we are at fault for not having great relationships with our daddies. We also unfortunately transfer the same issues that fucked us over to relationships we have with people, platonic and romantic both. It is the daddy issue that drives a woman to look for their father in men she wants to be with. I realized the same with a guy I was "talking" with for a couple of months and I was so horrified that I broke it off with him...without telling him. I have ghosted him for 6 months now and I hope I never see them again because even thinking about them causes me to burn in humiliation. Ugh. In his (and my) defence, he was really smart, like my dad, tall, like my dad, had his shit mostly together, like my dad, generous and hardworking, like my dad, is petty, like my dad. I think you can see the pattern here.

Fathers, love your daughters so that they can grow into wholesome women who respect themselves and others, and most importantly, don't repeat karmic mistakes by trying to recreate your paternal bond in a romantic partner.